


Joy

by babyphilewriter



Category: The X-Files RPF
Genre: F/M, Fluff, Fluff without Plot, Love Letters, Romantic Fluff
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-04-03
Updated: 2017-04-03
Packaged: 2018-10-14 04:51:05
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 976
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10529307
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/babyphilewriter/pseuds/babyphilewriter
Summary: A sappy letter that may or may not be from Mrs. Schmoopie to Mr. Schmoopie, you can decide.





	

**Author's Note:**

> I never thought I would write RPF but then this little piece of fluffy fluff happened. The idea came from reading Gillian's book, WE: A Manifesto for Women Everywhere, which if you haven't, I highly recommend you check it out!

To D,

For a long time I thought that I could never be completely happy until I had it all. 

I wanted a job that I loved and was passionate about but that was not too consuming or took me away from my family. I got a job that I was passionate about but it was hard. It was unpredictable, it was work, it was long days and nights, and often thousands of miles away from my home. There were times I loved it but also times I hated it and wanted to give it all up. I knew that I never really could though, it was so much a part of me and who I was. I never really could imagine saying goodbye. 

I got a house but it wasn’t actually a house, it was a flat. In a big city with very little privacy and a no backyard. But it was still mine and still felt like home. Yet I longed for more time there. I longed to return their every night after work and spend weekend there with my kids. But instead I came back to hotels just as much as I came back to my flat. I wanted to spend my free time exploring the city that always felt the most like home, but I spent a lot of time in other foreign places or the limbo of airports. 

I got the friends but our busy lives kept us apart too often. We all had jobs that took over our lives or families that needed our care. I loved spending time with my friends but the time was always too brief. Some of them I would stay with when work brought me their way, but even though I was in their house and in their town, the time we were both there together was rare. With others the distance would be too great and the friendship would fade, even though we both would try so hard to hold on to it, the world just got in the way.

And then there was the family, I had the kids but lost the husband. The kids were perfect and gave me the happiness I longed for whenever I looked into their youthful and innocent eyes. My job kept me away from them more then I would like, but I knew that they were always just a call away, and I worked hard to have as much time with them as possible. But the husband, that I could never keep. I tried so hard but he was always just out of reach. Our lives would drift to far apart and no matter what, could never return together.

Then one day it hit me that I could never have it all. I could never have the job and the house and the friends and the family, because in a way I already did and it still felt like it wasn’t enough. I realized that I had to find a way to be happy with what I had and what I had was pretty incredible. It took time but eventually I really was happy with it all, and I rarely craved more. Then you came in and you put my happiness to the test.

You assured me that we could make it work, that in twenty years we had never really tried and it would be worth it now. You told me that the distance and our lives wouldn’t make it impossible. I wanted to believe you but I also knew how you made me feel. How you could be a drug to me, an addiction, so difficult to quit. I also knew how we could go from love to hate in a matter of seconds, it was always that intense. I hoped that the years and our age had tamed us both but I worried that I would resort back to who I was when we first met, and I couldn’t let that happen.

I was afraid that not being able to hide in your strong arms or stare into your hazel eyes for weeks at a time would make me feel physical pain. I didn’t want to spend too many moments missing you and wishing for your scent to remain on my clothes. I didn’t want to know what it would do to my happiness to have you to but not all the time. You told me I was stronger now and that I would be okay. You believed in me more than I believed in myself, even though I liked to think I had become a lot more confident in myself.

Thank goodness you were right. Thank goodness we gave it a shot. It is hard and I do miss you often but it is always worth it. It is worth the little bit of pain for the innumerable amount of pleasure. It is worth it for the short secret vacations to exotic places, the lazy days laying in your bed, your voice singing me to sleep across the Atlantic, your lips crashing against mine, your jokes that keep me smiling all day and an endless list of other small moments that make up for the few tears. 

I had found happiness before but now I know pure joy. I will never have it all but I will always have enough. I can’t predict the future but I am basking in the present. You are an important piece in all of that. I hope that you feel joy as well. I know the things that you have gone through to get to where you are today and I am in awe of the person you have become. You deserve to feel the joy that I experience every day and I hope that I too help you find that joy in your life. 

Love,  
G


End file.
